everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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