erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
