Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
