its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
