I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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