Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
