Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
