are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
