I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
