FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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