sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I skipped work to stalk him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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