I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
