is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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