Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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