I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
