all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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