i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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