I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize