a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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