She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
