she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
