remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
