I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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