my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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