I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
