She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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