we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
