It's Friday. Sex?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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