i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
