dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
