We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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