is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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