I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
