i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
