We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
