the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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