i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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