can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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