How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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