During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
