You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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