Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
