Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
