i just wanna soil my oats bro
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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