Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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