You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
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I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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