saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
