Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
