Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
