Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
