we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
