ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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