but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
