Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
