I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
