if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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