i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
