Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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