She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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