Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
