My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
