he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
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Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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