I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
