he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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