Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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