Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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