You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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