Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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