Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
