I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
