I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
