better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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