well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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