My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
