Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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