She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so that wasnt chicken after all
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
