i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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