were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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