just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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