She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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