You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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